So much to say, so much to say, but where do I begin?
I’ve always been an open book. Some might remember me from theHoward Stern Show. Nothing was ever filtered when it came to turning my problems and often-bizarre life experiences into national entertainment.That being said… This past Valentine’s Day weekend will be one I shall never forget. Not for the romance, roses, or loving sentiment, but rather the horror on such an unbelievable scale that I’m still numb from it. Let’s begin the story of a lifetime. The Thursday before Valentine’s Day, I was going to treat my wife (whom I’ve been separated from) to a long weekend trip to Montreal. However, 24 hours before I was going to share the surprise weekend with her, she told me she needed her suitcase for a trip she had already scheduled with her two gal pals to celebrate one of their birthdays. I was disappointed, but I decided to keep the trip to myself since it was too late to get my money back and I didn’t want to ruin her trip with guilt. So, I said good-bye and on Thursday I decided to travel to Montreal and chill in the subzero city alone. The weekend was great. I truly enjoyed my trip despite the frigid -50 degree temps. But all good
things must come to an end. On Sunday (Valentine’s Day) I headed back to the airport. I arrived early and since I had time to kill, I shot back a few at the airport bar with the thought that my wife and I were going to have a late night V-Day dinner. (If you’re not sitting down, now is the time to find a chair.) I look at the time and see I only have 15 minutes to get to the gate for the quick flight back to New Jersey. “One more for the road,” I think to myself, and with a minute to spare to board the bite-size 60 seat plane, I stumble to my seat when low and behold…sitting just two seats behind mine is none other than my wife and her…wait for it…boyfriend! Apparently they had the same idea that I had and had somehow managed to book the same flight home.
You’re probably saying to yourself, “Wait… didn’t your wife say she was going away with her girlfriends for a birthday celebration?” Indeed, I did. Before I leave this world I may one day have to deal with dementia. I might even suffer from the mental anguish of Alzheimer’s. However, I can swear on my mother’s life that I will never forget the look on both of their faces when they saw me walk onto that plane.