ONE LAST GOOD-BYE

ONE LAST GOOD-BYE

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By Chaunce Hayden

We recently sadly lost actor Verne Troyer. Here’s a look back and my interview over lunch with
the star during better days….

How would you describe your life? Is it difficult being you?
I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s difficult. It’s definitely challenging. Just trying to get used to the popularity surrounding my character and going out in public is sort of weird. It’s very hard to get used to that.

What was your life like before “Austin Powers”?
I used to work for the telephone company. I was doing pretty well and would have been fine had
my acting career not taken off.

When did you first realize that you were different than other kids?
I never really felt different from other people and I guess that’s just because of how my parents raised me.
They taught me to be very independent and self-sufficient. I didn’t get treated any differently
than my older brother and younger sister, who are both normal size

Have you ever gone through a period in your life where you were depressed over your size?
No.
That’s amazing.
See, I don’t know what it’s like to be tall. I was raised in such a way that I learned to appreciate who I am.
I think that’s why I’m so successful in the entertainment field at this point.

Are there any benefits to being 32 inches tall?
Obviously! If I wasn’t the size I am, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to be in the movies.
My size has opened up a lot of doors for me. In fact I just did a short film, no pun intended,
called “Bit Players.” The film was invited to Sundance, and although we didn’t win anything,
it was well liked. I’m working on scripts all the time.

When does it suck to be small?
It really doesn’t suck to be small, but when you walk into the bathroom and you can’t unlock
the door to get out… that’s when it sucks.

Are you offended by dwarf tossing?
I look at it this way. I wouldn’t do something like that, but if somebody is doing that for a living
to support their family, then it’s their choice. It’s nobody else’s choice.

What’s the deal with you and the Playboy mansion? I’ve heard things.
Here it comes.
Well?
What do you want to know?

Are you having sex with Playboy centerfolds, or are the pictures I’ve seen posed?
Posed.

Are you telling the truth?
(Laughs) No, I’m not! I’m always invited to the Playboy mansion.
guess that’s one of the benefits of being in a big film.

I saw your photo spread in Playboy and it made me a little jealous.
Who wouldn’t be?

Who wouldn’t be? Do you find that women are fascinated with what
it would be like to have sex with someone your size?
I don’t know about that. I can’t comment on that.

So you won’t tell me if you actually slept with a Playboy model?
I’ve heard the same rumors… that’s all I’ll say.

How do you get along with Hugh Hefner?
Hef is awesome!

Do you have groupies?
Sure..

What’s your best pick-up line?
I don’t need a pick-up line.

Do hot women pick you up like a little boy?
It’s happened before. But those women aren’t thinking. When they do it,
I ask them to put me down and I tell them that I’m a man. Some women just don’t
understand. Once the woman gets to know me, it’s totally different.

Ever dream what it would be like to be six feet tall?
Not at all. I’m happy being the person that I am.

Is it hard for you to get work as anything but the character Mini-Me?
I’m trying to get away from that just because of the popularity of the character. Hollywood stereotypes
a lot of different people. I’m going to try and change that, but I know it’s going to be difficult.

Would you date a woman your own size?
Definitely! It all depends on the person. Size doesn’t matter.

How’s your health?
No problems at all.

Why did you decline to promote “Goldmember” on Howard Stern?
I just don’t do Howard.

Why not?
I won’t do Howard Stern because he asks the most stupid questions. He doesn’t show respect to anyone.
I mean, I’ll watch his show every now and then, but I refuse to do his show because
I know what he’s going to ask me.

Which is?
How big is my penis, that sort of thing. The guy is calling me to do the show all the time.
You have no idea! But there’s no chance. I’ll never do his show. I’ve hung with the guy off the
air a little bit, but I’ll never do his show. With Howard it’s all about controversy and it’s just not going to happen.

What is the dumbest question you’ve ever been asked?
There have been so many dumb questions that I’ve been asked I wouldn’t be able to remember them all.

Will there be another Austin Powers movie? And if so, will you be in it?
I hope so! I would love to be a part of it if there is. If you talk
to Mike [Myers], tell him I’m available.

RIP Verne…

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