AMERICA , WE LOVE YOU!
But there are some things we need you to know.
1. First of all, having an Irish great-great-great grandmother
who emigrated to America in 1876 doesn’t mean
“You’re from Ireland? I’m Irish, too!”
2. Sorry, but we almost certainly don’t know your cousins
Ireland is small, but it’s not that small.
3. Saying “Top o’ the morning!” is neither
charming nor appreciated
No Irish person in history has ever said
this and saying it to an Irish person will
just cause a lot of cringing.
This isn’t Darby O’Gill and the Little People.
4. Also, Irish people are not pirates
Sorry, Shaquille O’Neal, but “shiver me timbers”
is a phrase used by fictional pirates and
not Irish people.
Get it together.
5. Contrary to popular belief, this is a four-leaf clover
and not a shamrock
All right people, it’s very simple. A shamrock has THREE
leaves. And a four leaf clover has nothing to do with Ireland.
6. There is nothing Irish about the “Irish goodbye”
Sure, there’s something very satisfying about slyly leaving
a party without saying goodbye to anyone, but unfortunately there’s nothing Irish about the so-called “Irish
7. And don’t even get us started on Lucky Charms
Despite what the leprechaun on the packaging might
have you believe, we have nothing to do with Lucky
No, we don’t have them here and, no, we don’t feel
like we’re missing out on much.
8. Films like P.S. I Love You and Leap Year
are not in any way representative of modern
Such films would have you believe that Ireland
is filled with matchmakers, improbably
handsome men and cute hoors who have nothing
to do all day except drink pints in quaint pubs
and charm American women.
Sadly, this is not the case.
Also, Matthew Goode’s accent in Leap Year? Not an Irish
9. It makes us cringe when you say the word “pint”
OH GOD, PLEASE DON’T.
10. Don’t expect us to be amused by your gas t-shirts
“Irish today….Hungover tomorrow”. Oh, good one. Never
heard that one before.
AND….. It’s St. Paddy’s Day, not St. Patty’s Day