WHY WE HATE TOM BRADY

WHY WE HATE TOM BRADY

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NFL fans either love Tom Brady or they hate him.
There’s not much room for any feelings in between.
BY CHANCE HAYDEN
One of the reasons Brady is such a polarizing player is because he is still 40 years old and still at
the top of his game. That was on display in Super Bowl LI, when he bounced back from a difficult
first half to erase a 25-point deficit and win in overtime for the first time in Super Bowl history.
It was his fifth Super Bowl victory out of seven appearances. If you like Tom Brady, this is likely
one of the reasons you’re enamored with him. If you hate him, well, this is also probably one of
your top justifications.
Since Brady’s looks great, plays great and has a great looking wife, let’s examine 40 reasons fans
either love him, or love to hate him.
1. He’s good. Real good.
Brady has the best lifetime win-loss record of any
quarterback in NFL history with 208 wins against 61
losses. It’s enough reason for his supporters to love him
and his detractors to despise him.
2. He has a supermodel wife.
On the surface, it looks like Brady lives a pretty
charmed life.
3. One of his houses has a damn moat.
Seriously.
4. Deflategate.
If you’re a Brady fan, you’re still outraged that the
quarterback had to serve a four-game suspension
to start the 2016 season for his role in Deflategate
and his unwillingness to cooperate with the league’s
investigation. If you’re a Brady hater, you enjoyed every
minute of those four Brady-less games.
5. His hairstyles.
Brady’s hair choices over the years evoke some visceral
responses. Rumor says it’s plugs. We can only wish.
6. Super Bowl LI is enough of a reason
on its own.
A historic comeback. A nearly flawless second-half
performance. It’s the kind of heroics that Brady has
developed a reputation for over the course of his career.
7. Drew Bledsoe.
The way Brady evolved into the Patriots starter, taking
over for an injured Bledsoe and earning — or stealing,
depending on where you’re standing — the starting job
is memorable and left people with strong feelings about
Brady from Day 1.
8. His aggressively healthful diet.
Who in the world can survive without drinking coffee?
Or alcohol? Or eating strawberries? This man has a
freezer full of avocado ice cream. It’s either admirable
or obnoxious.
9. People either love or hate Bill
Belichick, and the two are inextricably
connected.
As your feelings about one go, so they go for the other
member of this dynamic duo. Belichick and Brady’s probably hate the other, and vice versa.
10. He’s rich as hell.
He’s No. 15 on the Forbes World’s Highest-Paid Athletes
list. Brady is currently playing on a two-year, $41 million
deal with the Patriots, and he’s pulling in about $22
million this year. Not bad. He’s made about $196.2
million over his 17 seasons, according to Forbes. And he
rakes in an extra $8 or so million per year with his many
endorsements.
11. His UGGs endorsement.
Ugh, UGGs. We’re willing to bet more people dislike this
one than the other way around.
12. His Aston Martin endorsement.
The cheapest Aston Martin you can buy costs a cool
$118,000. Perhaps you admire Brady’s suave nature; one
that screams, “I can convince you to buy a car that costs
six figures.” Perhaps you’re rolling your eyes right now
just thinking about it.
13. His TAG Heuer endorsement.
The least expensive TAG Heuer watch we can find is
about $1,500. They can run you upward of $20,000. Your
reactions to this are probably in line with whatever you
think about that Aston Martin endorsement.
14. His wife is even wealthier than he is.
Gisele’s net worth hovers somewhere right around $360
million. They seem very happy together, and they have a
lovely family and more money than they know what to do
with. How nice for them.
15. His draft story is really something.
You may have seen him crying about it on NFL Network
once or twice or one billion times. OK, Tom, WE KNOW
that every team passed you over for more than five
solid rounds of the 2000 NFL draft. Everything he has
accomplished as a sixth-round pick is truly remarkable.
16. He went to Michigan.
Tom Brady is a bona fide Michigan Man. Michigan Men in
general tend to rub everyone but other Michigan Men the
wrong way.
17. Did we mention his hair.
Plugs?
18. He had a Make America Great Again
hat in his locker.
This is the very definition of polarizing.
19. His mom says he’s the fastest player
in the NFL.
He’s definitely not, but it’s sweet of her to say it. I mean,
the guy ran a 5.28 40-yard dash at his combine.
20. He never says what he actually
thinks.
Unless all of Brady’s opinions are vague and
noncommittal, he’s not forthcoming about anything. He’s
been asked about things like his relationship with Donald
Trump and other hot-button issues, and he gives bland
answers that don’t actually tell you a thing. Maybe you’d
rather not know what Tom Brady thinks about anything,
but there are plenty of people who would appreciate a
45
straight answer once in a while.
21. He had a cameo on Entourage.
I don’t know why this pisses me off but it does.
22. He also had
a cameo in the
Entourage movie.
So did his teammates Rob
Gronkowski and Julian Edelman.
Edelman was helping Gronk
bong a beer, and that’s probably
better than Brady’s cameo.
23. And he had a
cameo in Ted 2.
Brady played himself, of course,
in Seth MacFarlane’s film about
a foul-mouthed talking teddy
bear which stars Boston’s own
Mark Wahlberg. Wahlberg’s
character, John, and Ted, the
talking bear, seek out Brady as
a sperm donor.
Producer Jason Clark, and apparently everybody on set,
were all impressed with Brady.
“The guy did a fantastic job,” Clark said, via USA Today’s
Bryan Alexander. “The funniest thing about having Brady
on the set was the stir he created with the crew and other
cast members. It was like having the president visit the
set.”
Of course it was.
24. He probably owns your team on a
regular basis.
Unless you’re a Patriots fan
or a Broncos fan, Tom Brady
basically owns your team. He
has a winning record against
every other team in the NFL, and
the only reason he doesn’t have
a winning record against the
Patriots is because he plays for
New England. If you’re a Patriots
fan, you’re probably thrilled
about this, and Broncos fans
are probably proud that their
team has held up so well against
Brady. But for everyone else, this
is probably pretty annoying.
And even Wikipedia
acknowledges that Tom Brady is
the owner of the Jets.
25. He lost two Super
Bowls to the New York Giants.
Maybe you’re a Giants fan, or a fan of every team but the
Patriots and the rest of the NFC East, and this makes you
happy. Maybe you’re a Patriots fan or you hate the Giants.
Either way, you probably have some feelings about this.
26. He is bad at sumo wrestling.
Surprise! Tom Brady is bad at something. Maybe it’s
because sumo wrestlers typically aren’t 6’4 and 225
pounds. But he is not good at it at all:
27. He wrote a
cookbook, and it costs
$200.
If you want to eat like Tom Brady
eats — and deprive yourself of
wonderful things like coffee and
gluten and strawberries and ice
cream that is made from actual
cream and sugar instead of
avocados — these fine recipes
can be yours for this exorbitant
price. You can also pay for his
meal service to send you the
ingredients for these garbage
meals.
28. Hair.
Plugs? Oh wait, we said that.
29. He had a dance-off with Julian
Edelman to Migos’ “Handsome and
Wealthy.”
And he looked like your dad dancing at a wedding after
spending a little too much time at the open bar.
30. The Tuck Rule.
This one hits Raiders fans right where it hurts. An obscure
rule was applied to overturn a Tom Brady fumble, and it
kept Oakland from beating the Patriots in the divisional
round after the 2001 season.
We can’t blame Oakland fans
for staying bitter about it.
31. Patriots
fans revere him
unconditionally.
If you criticize Tom Brady in
front of a Patriots fan, you know
you’re going to get an earful.
It doesn’t matter what this guy
does. If you don’t like him,
you’re a hater, and jealous, and
the worst. It’s exhausting. But
also, Brady is one of the all-time
greats, so maybe the people
who criticize him are haters, and
jealous, and the worst.
32. He wants to play
until he’s 45 years old, and he might be
able to.
If you’re over 40, this especially might annoy you just a
little bit. Brady’s in impeccable shape, and playing for five
more years is a distinct possibility.
33. The FBI had to look for his missing
Super Bowl jerseys.
And Robert Kraft compared them to priceless works of
art. If you didn’t roll your eyes at that whole spectacle,
you may have not been paying attention.
34. He’s been to more
Super Bowls than 28
of the 32 teams in the
NFL.
OK, Tom Brady, we get it. You’re
very good at football.
35. He’s won more
Super Bowls than 28
teams, also.
Only the Steelers have
more, with six wins.
The 49ers, Cowboys, and
Patriots (thanks to Tom Brady)
each have five wins.
36. He wrote a selfhelp
book. At least it
doesn’t cost $200.
It’s called The TB12 Method: How to Achieve a Lifetime of
Sustained Peak Performance, and it’s about the most Tom
Brady thing ever.
37. He declared the day of the Super
Bowl LI parade a city-wide holiday.
You’re not actually the boss of the whole city of Boston,
Brady. (Actually, Bostonians are probably more than
willing to accept that he is.)
38. He’s on the cover
of the G.O.A.T. Edition
of Madden but won’t
admit that he’s the
greatest of all time.
Ah, Tom Brady’s filled with
humility. How endearing. Or
annoying.
39. A courtroom
sketch is the most
famous portrait of
him.
His bust in the Hall of Fame
damn well better look like this.
40. He’s 40 years old
and is playing as well as he ever has.
Fuck you.

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