Your bartender has a name that was given to them at birth
by their parents. It is not “Baby”, “Sweetie”, “Sexy” or “Bar
Maid”. Keep that in mind the next time you try to get your
bartenders attention by obnoxiously hollering across the
Change, such as quarters, dimes, and pennies are not a tip.
It is an insult.
Please, dear God, do not ask me to ‘smile’. Imagine dealing
with 30 intoxicated versions of yourself and try doing
anything other than rolling your eyes.
If the bartender cuts you off, there’s probably a good reason
for it. Don’t argue or protest it, just have some water until
you’re good. NO REASON TO BE INSULTED! Trust your
bartender, they’ve seen many intoxicated customers and
probably have a good idea when you’re heading to blackout
city. I’d suggest thanking them for caring about your life but
hey, that’s on you.
I have no problem calling you a taxi. I sleep easier knowing
you got home safe. If you live in a reasonable distance, I
may even offer to drive you home myself. But no, I won’t
walk you to your door and ‘tuck you in’. I trust that once you
get into your house, you’ll know what to do from there. But
uh, thanks anyway?
If you are with a group of people, and each person waits
until I am done grabbing one persons drink to order another
one, I will instantly resent you. Order everything at once so
I can save my energy to run around all night, not to lose fuel
just getting your drinks. Much appreciated.
The bathroom is there for obvious reasons. Those reasons
DO NOT include: doing drugs, using the toilet as your ‘home
away from home’ (ie, checking your emails while relieving
yourself ), making it into a meeting area where you and your
girlfriends can have hour-long heartfelt talks, stinking up
the bathroom something awful so that ANYONE who walks
in there, drunk or not, throws up, a place to have sex, etc.
Hey you.. the one who dropped the napkin on the floor.. PICK
THE DAMN THING UP. How will you feel when somebody
unknowingly slips on one and breaks their back all because
your lazy ass didn’t want to bend down and throw it away?
If the fact that I don’t dress in revealing attire makes you not
want to tip me as much as you would to someone with their
boobs hanging out, good, I don’t want your money anyway.
If you are unsure of what to drink, give the bartender an idea
of what you like. If you ask for something ‘fruity’ or ‘girly’,
you’ll most likely receive a Malibu BayBreeeze,. If you don’t
like Coconut Rum, tell us from the beginning so time is not
wasted and you get your drink sooner rather than later.
For the people who hound me with song requests when I’m
busy, if you think I’m going to abandon a bar full of needy
customers to make sure “Freebird” or “Levels” is the next
song played, you’re out of your damn mind. Seriously.
If you are a hot girl shamelessly expecting free drinks
from my male customers, don’t be surprised when I don’t
acknowledge your presence. You’re not the one putting
money in my pocket so there’s no need to talk and feed
your ego. Yay!
A bartender is like an elephant, we never forget. So if the
last time you were at the bar, you caused a drunken scene
and forgot, don’t worry, we didn’t.
Specify if you want a bottle or a draft. If you ask me for a
Miller Lite and the bar that I work at has it in bottles and on
tap, I’m going to give you a bottle. Know why? It’s quick! Tell
me if you want it in a mug before I have to waste an entire
bottle down the drain. Wasting good beer is sad 🙁
My drinks are already very strong so if you ask me to ‘make
it stronger’, you’re definitely paying for a double. Mama
didn’t raise no fool.
Want to buy me a shot? No Jack, no Jose, no Jim.. just John
Just because you tip, doesn’t mean that the bartender
wants your phone number. HELLO, we’re working!
Last call means L-A-S-T-C-A-L-L-F-O-R-A-L-C-O-H-O-L.
If you don’t have enough money to tip, then you don’t have
enough money to go out. The end.
BY Leanne Aciz