Body Language Guide – Bar Patron Version
We have the ability to read minds. Sounds a little crazy, huh?
And by that I mean, body language says a lot about a person.. and if you’re good at reading it – you can get inside of their thinking.
Unless of course, they’re an actor or some sort of spy who has mastered the body language game. And in that case… you’re fucked because they’ve got one up on you.
Luckily, we’ve got more normal people than Leonardo DiCaprio’s and James Bonds, so welcome to my Bar Body Language Guide .
I started out with intuition and basic judgments from meeting thousands of people behind the bar – and was intrigued so bought my very own version of “Body Language For Dummies” along with studying a handful of other books.
Fun fact of the day: 65% of communication is non-verbal, 28% is voice and tone, and only 7% is verbal.
We all know that folded arms means “Get the fuck away from me please” and clenched fists means this person is murdering it (no pun intended) in the anger department. But knowing a few more of the basics couldn’t hurt – especially when it comes to meeting someone for the first time in a bar setting. Allow me to sum this up for ya.
What is HE really saying?
1.) The handshake.
My dad always said he judged a guy on the handshake. He would size them up and later say, “Chantal, he’s no good. How are you going to date a guy who gives a “dead fish” handshake?”
Firm handshake? Confident and secure with a touch of trustworthiness.
Dead Fish? Weak . Commonly associated with a “frail” core. Generates far less favorable first impressions.
2.) Crotch it out.
Is he sitting down legs spread with crotch facing head on and borderline inappropriate? Good. This guy is putting his masculinity on display. It’s said to signal dominance and availability. I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing.
3.) Arm language.
Talking with hands shows that he’s into the conversation and is trying to better communicate with you. Would you voluntarily try to communicate better with someone you didn’t like? Didn’t think so.
4.) Chivalry please and thanks.
Lending a coat or sweater is a sign of connection and being protected. And trust me, he would not give his coat to someone he didn’t appreciate.
5.) Loner boy? Not for long.
If he’s suddenly talking louder in the group of 7 guys after he sees what he likes this is a good indication he’s trying to get attention from you. He also may be veering off to the side of the group (subconsciously signaling he’s single).
So.. what is SHE saying?
1.) How often is she smiling?
I was awarded class flirt for a reason. I think that reason was I smiled at every guy I knew. Or didn’t know. And they all thought I liked them.
I was just happy.
Sure, she’s smiling with you and your convo – but how often is she smiling at others? If equally as often, you may want to find a different cue. If not smiling at others at all, you’re in buddy.
2.) Body Facing.
If, she turns towards you and makes eye contact and her facial expressions are engaged, she’s not faking it. She’s digging you.
However, if she’s leaning away this is a solid sign of discomfort. Check where her feet are pointed. Towards the door by chance? She’s wishing to exit. And if you’re attempting to converse while sitting next to her on the barstool and she continues to face towards the bar giving one word answers and rarely glancing over, stop. She’s over it.
3.) Dilated Pupils.
Although this one is hard to gage because more often than not you’re in a dark setting to begin with, dilated pupils mean they are intrigued. Point blank into you. Simply because they want to see more of what they like.
But if it’s too dark to see – check where the eyes are darting. Completely focused on you, looking you up and down, and consistent eye contact? Or is she more worried at looking at her drunk friend be a disaster in public or checking out shopping.com for those new fall boots?
4.) Minor Grooming
Lip gloss applying, dress adjusting, hair flip or fondling, mirror check-up in your presence? Yea bro. She’s trying to look good for you.
5.) Prada Bag Location.
A purse is an extension of a woman when she’s out and about.
Is it tucked tightly under her left arm a little in front of her? A.) She thinks you might steal B.) It’s a protecting shield just incase you try to attack her C.) She wants to make a run for it D.) (Insert preventative action here)
In other words, she is guarded and hasn’t got your trust completely yet.
Orrrrrr… is her purse on the bar in the middle of you guys while you’re talking? She trusts you.
Like everything, there are exceptions to the rule so don’t take these as the body language Gospel. Just keep an eye out for repeat offenses or more than one of these. Being more aware of these cues will keep the second-guessing at bay and you’ll be more confident knowing when is the right time to go in for the kill.
Good Luck 😉