I bartend in a high-end strip club in Manhattan. 9’s or higher in high heels walking around….naked. Mirrors and poles floor to ceiling. Dom Perignon Rose Champagne. Electric Blue lighting. And, of course, thirsty, very thirsty, dudes (in more ways than one).
And while there’s a profound variety of gentlemen in suits there for one thing (ass, mainly), I have yet to go on a date with a stud I’ve met there.
Would I? Absolutely.
So…. What’s my deal?
Well…. I haven’t been approached in a way that makes me say, “Wow, this fella is impressive. He actually might be worth a date.”
Common sense alert: One has to put in a little extra effort than you normally would, because the bartender is getting hit on an upwards of 56 times a night.
So many of us do what’s easy, but if you really want something, you have to do a little extra.
Not a whole lot. Just a litttttle extra.
These few specific guidelines have worked for me in my bartender courting, and also for the few guys I’ve given my number to, gone on dates with, and in one case formed a long-term relationship from.
Try these next time you’re out:
1.) Be a badass.
Confidence. I fully believe one can pull any piece of ass if they carry just this one trait alone.
There’s a 100% chance of you being an extremely attractive human being in multiple ways with a handful of qualities that others can’t offer. Own that shit!
Watching someone who knows that they’ve “got this” is sexy. Even if it’s in a goofy way or if you’re 473 lbs, someone being themselves, giving zero fucks about what the outside world thinks, is sexy. Confidence = Sexy.
Dale Carnegie once said, ““Names are the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Good ole’ Dale knows what’s up.
Ask for the bartenders name, remember it, and USE it! We all know personalization is better. Think about it – if someone calls you by name vs. “Hey You”, they’re immediately in with you, right?
“Chantal, can we get another round? And pour yourself one too.”
So simple, yet so powerful when working your way in.
3.) Find common ground.
Relationship building 101.
If the bartender doesn’t initiate, (which 93% likely they will if they’re any fun at all), ask about them! Just because the bartender is in work mode, doesn’t mean you can’t begin conversation. It’s as simple as asking them where they’re from, what they do for fun, what vacations they have planned, or what there goals are.
This is a gateway to find common interests and build from there (and plan your first date). Easy.
Bigger than you normally would. And do I even have to say? MORE than 20 percent. I am a firm 4 out of 10 on the pretentious scale, however, every bartender knows that leaving a big tip also means leaving a solid impression. It not only shows you have your shit together to be able to give a little extra, but that you put your money towards what holds value to you.
It is showing that the bartender is worth more than what society claims acceptable. It shows that you see the interaction as something special, not just an everyday transaction. It means SO much more than a few extra dollars in the pockets.
5.) Make ‘em laugh.
“I just saw a pokemon in here. it was Squirtle. Really weird.”
Working in a gentlemens club, you bet your ass I was laughing out loud when a customer said this.
Some are born with it, others have to work a bit. Whatever your witty level, it takes about a minute or so to draw a picture on a receipt (see below) and about 72 seconds on YouTube to learn how to make a napkin rose to give your bartender crush.
Sense of humor takes the cake. If you can entertain the entertainer, you just hit the lotto.
Any guy I gave my number to might not have been the best looking, most social, or artistic, but he ALWAYS made me laugh. If you’re going to do one thing from this list: Make ‘em laugh.
6.) Grow a pair. (Leave your number, dumbass.)
I can’t count the number of times I’ve been semi-interested in a cutie and the dude leaves, never to be seen again. It’s a shitty feeling if the chemistry is on point! Bartenders rarely do the chasing, so leave your digits after a night of flirting.
What’s the worst that could happen?
7.) Pump the breaks.
If all is going good, the chemistry is on point, you’ve had great conversations and laughed a little in between it all, suggest an innocent date. Don’t turn yourself from a 10 to a 2 by doing the default man thing and ruin all the fun you just had by suggesting they “come back to your place” after work. That’s what losers do. Suggest a comedy show or a drink outside of work.
If she really likes you, she might want to go home with you anyway, but let HER or HIM suggest it.
Sidenote: If there’s one thing bartenders are NOT, it’s being shy. If they really want something, they will make sure it’s known.
Lastly, I’m not a big “don’t-er”…. but if you’re ultimate goal is to get in the pants of the person serving you…
1.) Don’t do what’s easy.
Nothing rules out a potential date more than watching them court the easiest piece of ass in the bar. Not sexy.
2.) Do yourself (and the world) a favor: Chew mint gum. Bad breathe turns Brad Pitt’s into Mr. Bean’s. And if a girl was turned on before you opened your mouth, she is now permanently off. Forever. First impressions DO count, and smelliness is quite possibly the worst thing to be remembered as.
In closing: If you don’t go after what you want, it’s a sure way to never get it.
What have you got to lose?
You’re right. Nothing.
So right now – buy some Orbit wintermint gum, memorize the dorkiest joke out there, and YouTube how to make a napkin rose. That 72 second investment might just gain you a return of your next date… with the bartender.
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