Bancshot

Bancshot

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This is my first column for Metropolis Nights and hopefully you, the reader, will enjoy it and I will be allowed to continue.

 

A little back story first. Though I had heard about and had read Chaunce’s columns for years, I had never had the pleasure of making his acquaintance. One day a mutual friend informed me that not only was Chaunce not the complete asshole I thought he was, but he also happened to be an avid golfer. I decided we should finally meet. After all, it had been about 20 years. I contacted him, introduced myself, and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse: I told him I was going to take him to play golf for his birthday and then bring him back to my bar so we would have a chance to get to know each other. Even though watching him play golf was a painful experience, getting to know him wasn’t. After the first round, a friend of mine named John, Chaunce, and I were having a drink on the golf course bar deck and Chaunce went to the men’s room. My friend turned to me and said, “He’s not anything like I thought he was going to be. I thought after reading his columns all of these years that he was going to be an insufferable asshole”. His sentiment naturally mirrored my feelings exactly. From that day on, Chaunce and I have become fast friends, which eventually led me to this.

My name is Banc Pero. I am not a writer, as any true editor would gleefully attest to, but I have led an interesting life and I hope to share some of it with you.

 

I have had the good fortune of being one of the owners of Titillations Go-Go-Bar in Bloomfield and also the proprietor of ‘The Upstairs Cigar Lounge’ on the second floor of “Tits”.

 

I have been in the bar, construction, restaurant, and of course the gentlemen’s club business for my entire life. No, I am not “connected”. I plan on writing about girls, politics, cigars, alcohol, cars, food, travel and anything else that men may find interesting. I am hoping that you, dear reader, will offer suggestions and ask questions. It will be my pleasure to share my thoughts and experiences, and I hope it will be your pleasure to read about them. I will also be answering one question a month from those who need advice. This, I believe, is my forte and I hope not to destroy the person-in-need’s life. At the end of every column, as homage to Chaunce, I am going to bring the “Asshole of the Month” section back to life.

 

What better time for this than during this completely insane election cycle? 

 

Next month I will officially get started and I thank you for giving me the opportunity to introduce myself.

 

Let’s finish off with my first Asshole Of The Month and who will probably end up being my Asshole Of The Year. If you guessed Donald Trump, we are going to get along famously!

 

I have been following Trump’s career for about 25 years and I have despised everything about him for exactly that long. Only recently since he entered the political arena with Obama’s birth issue have most Americans had the opportunity to view him as more than the loud mouthed, larger than life, attention-seeking clown that he is. He has polarized a nation, brought out the worst in us, and has also exposed the worst in our country’s leadership (though for that, I will give him his due). That being said, he is a man truly worthy of being despised. 

 

If you do any amount of real research, you can easily find out how many people he has screwed over throughout the years, how many incredibly bad business deals he has made, what a lying hypocrite he is and why he represents almost everything I can’t stand. My honest feeling is that if you like Donald Trump and what he stands for, you are not worthy of my attention. I may do an entire column on all of the shit he has done that most people never hear and don’t know about. Sadly, Trump’s supporters will not care. (They might not be able to read it anyway). They eagerly lap up the diarrhea that spews from his mouth like diseased dogs. I hope if he reads this, he will call me a loser…a label I will wear with pride.

 

I look forward to your comments and suggestions. Please send them to:

 

Thank you for taking the time to reads this, 

Banc Pero

 

“We are what we do, when it counts.”

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